el squat - Breck

el squat - Breck

"So, i was gonna stop at Breck on my way to Cali. Wanna meet me there?"  

the samoan looked up at the enabler from working for that snow and was like "uh...... yeah." "Don't you wanna know when?" "Nah- i'll be there."

And it was written.   

Whale Tail - photo el squat

Whale Tail - photo el squat

Breckenridge is high. In fact, the highest chair lift in North America resides on Peak 8. It's stops at  12,840 ft, and you still hike to get to the summit (12,998 ft). Breck's terrain spans over five peaks (2,901 acres) with a vert of 3,398 ft. Yeah, baby. Whatever you want to do here - you can find. Hike to steeps, pack out those bowls, trees for days, corduroy rollers, four terrain parks, there are even places where you go sit down (weird). Breckenridge - also dubbed as Breck yo Neck (not really - just wanted to do a Wu-Tang thing) opened in 1961 and lift tickets were $4. They started out with Peak 8 and have been adding peaks since. One could say Breck woke up this way, but took a long time to get dressed. 

el squat also joins the enabler and the samoan in this story. The last time the samoan and squat were in town they were visiting blankat who was the steezy 5 Chair operator. It was 2012, Gangnam Style was ruining everyone's life, and Peak 6 had yet to be added. So of course, you know what they hit first. The hike up Peak 6 had the samoan like the big bad wolf (huffing and puffing) but that view - blew the house down. Oh, did we mention the sky gave us 7" the night before? Wile out. Here's a play by play. 

with this as the result.

The rest of the day was spent blitzing old favorites. Bowls to trees - repeat - fogging up Windows again and again, no defrost. 

Bake sale was a success. Result of day one: cashed out. 



Rocky Mountain High - Elevated Locals

 The next day, around 3:00 PM on the 24th of February in the year 2016 the samoan found herself slightly stuck and being harassed by a six-year-old. She had followed el squat into a magical snow castle that quickly turned into a land of terrors. She was full of delight and laughter in the beginning, who didn't dream of snow castles? Then came the slides. The signs instructed one to go down all of the slides head first, but they were only about four feet long and the samoan was 5'8. Her back didn't bend in the opposite way the tunnels wanted it to, and did we mention that she's Samoan? "You clogged the hole." the six-year-old stated. "They're probably going to cut you out like that fat lady on TV." Horrified that she would actually become her destiny - a woman being lifted with a crane from a building - the samoan closed her eyes and reminisced to better times.

the castle edit 500.jpg elevated locals

That morning:

The beautiful beach day laps with the enabler and squat on Dercum Mountain.

the enabler

the enabler

Then the hike from the top of The Outback to Puma Bowl.

el squat bogarting freshie Puma tracks.

Rocky Mountain High elevated locals

Sweet preserved lines in the Timberwolf and Badger Trees.

Just as the tears started to come, the samoan opened her eyes to sunshine. el squat and the castle watchman had pulled her out. She was free! Everything was beautiful. Even after committing the ultimate party foul (drunk adult in the bounce house) and being heckled by children - the day was still the best. All three mountains had been explored. Serious vert had been had.

Another score on the charts. 


el squat doing the Lovers Leap

el squat doing the Lovers Leap

Although Vail had been toured before by those in our story it still had the same effect. It broke their brains. Pictures were hardly taken. Words were not spoken. Stopping was not even an option, and drinks were most certainly not had. Who could do these things when there was the whole backside to be tanned? Bowl burner after bowl burner. The lifts provided the only salvation for their legs. It was all day backy - who even knows what's on the front side? For squat and the samoan it's all about the junk in the trunk. Vail is large and in charge. It's the largest resort in ColoRado and it knocked everyone out. They basically had to crawl to the car. 


(stay tuned for story)


gypsy on the Whales Tail

gypsy on the Whales Tail

gypsy showed up finally, and they all agreed that work was really cramping her style. squat and samoan were faded from their daily mountain grind, but snowboarding (and skiing) is second to none so they made sure that everyone they saw knew how they felt. This was done like this: two would make a hashtag with their arms and the other would yell blessed (ew - in their minds - they really aren't social creatures).

Anyway, the trip was too short, and as usual there was non stop blubbering and sniveling as they all said their goodbyes to the mountains. They promised to return soon as possible; truly wishing they never had to come down from their Rocky Mountain highs.



  • Breckenridge was the first ColoRADo resort to invite snowboarders to the party. It was 1984 and lift tickets were $19. 
  • The largest gold nug was found in Breckenridge in 1887 by Tom Groves. It was 13.5 pounds. The nugget then disappeared for 85 years, and when it was finally found it was five pounds short. C'mon man.
  • The Breckenridge Golf Club has 27 holes (instead of 18). They can't get enough of that green. 
  • Definition of a keystone: keystone is a wedge shaped stone at the apex of an arch which locks everything in position and allows the arch to bear weight. Keystone is The Rock (also a Samoan).
  • Keystone is flanked by the Snake River. el squat and the samoan grew up with the Snake as a neighbor. Are they the same person as Keystone?
  • Keystone has excellent night skiing on Dercum Mountain.
  • Keystone also has cat skiing galore. You can do guided tours of Independence, Erikson, or Bergman Bowls. You can also pay $10 for a cat shuttle instead of hiking for the Outback bowls. 
  • Vail was founded by a 10th Mountain Division dude (Pete Seibert). He was injured in Italy during battle, and the doctors said he would never walk again. He did walk, became a pro skier, and then was like- "What's up people- this is Vail".

Thanks so much for having us Vail Resorts! If you need us to come back right away just holla.