Mammoth was a mystery to those in our story. When they thought about California they thought about living in vans, and worshiping the terminator, not mountains! Also, the sky didn't know it was winter and was refusing to snow. Idiot sky. The trip was much debated, but in the end the promise of many fart suits and gargantuan terrain won. Plus, you can drink in the streets!
It begins to snow. It snows all day and during the night part too.
It snows until the giant and the samoan fly into Mammiff Lakes in the afternoon. Good thing idiot sky got the memo. They check into the Sunstone condos that are located skier's right of the Eagle lift. They do the "we fancy" dance. They take as many taxis as they can. They dress up like cowboys and indians to go to the Outlaw Saloon which, they find out, is not a thing. Also, some people find this offensive. They are forced to eat the delicious pizza and taco thang while being booed.
The broken giant is wrapped in bubble wrap and foil (because shinny is cool and aliens like it). There was talk of just putting him in a bubble, but apparently BUBBLES are not allowed on the hill- something about not working with the chairlift and outshining the snowboarding Mammoth mascot. That mascot is such a diva.
The giant and samoan play around-the-middle-earff and hit all 16 of the lower lifts. The samoan scouts for the next days and a fever begins to brew inside of her. She has to get emotional because of all of the happiness choking her. Mammiff is way big, like way bigger than the governor of New Jersey. There is soooo much slashing to be done. It is hard to not pass out from the pressure. This has nothing to do with the altitude (top 11,053 ft) because the samoan has been higher. Back-up is sent for, el squato arrives and all is right with the world. Even after the samoan is attacked by a corn chip at The Local Frijole.
el squat and the samoan are like rabid dogs; foaming at the mouth, biting people, and welding large sticks. Good thing the hill is empty. They are so excited. Massive Mammiff! Also, the clouds are gone, visibility is tits. First, they become obsessed with Dry Creek- nothing like a good poop chute. (Poop Chute = anything that sort of resembles a natural half-pipe.) They lap the ganjola; playing in Dave's and sending your mom letters from Climax. Sweet delicious corn is found in the Santiago Bowl. el squat does not allow the samoan to stop or eat, but she does allow snow to be eaten for substance. Pow is scored in the trees under chair 12. el squat has to blindfold the samoan on chair 23 so she will stop with the hysteria. Meanwhile, the giant catches a fish and eats it raw.
el squat starts the day off with a performance of Marky Mark's Good Vibrations then they hit the trees. They are sniffing for the freshies and just like sweet little truffle pigs they find the pow. Smashing stashes around chair 10 and 21 until it gets stickyicky. Then they try to get to Rodger's Ridge from the wrong side and almost fall off a cliff. Ooops. They finally got to there and were rewarded with more untracked! Hooray for monster Mammiff. Lower poop shoot (Lower dry creek) is renamed stump. They return to their favorites- the ganjola and chair 23. They fall in love with the Dropout Chutes and fight each other for them. An irritating LA Gaper gets on the lift with them and asks them if they know any skier jokes. They push him off. Woof.
It's like 10,000 degrees at 9 AM. They hide their shoes and coats on upper poop. They planned on powder pig hunting again, but because they were greedy gusettes, they had pretty much mowed their spots from the day before. So, they decided to try their luck with Chair 12. It got gluey fast, but not before they found a quarter pipe (great for the sloth) in the trees and were scared by the old man of the mountain. Next the samoan takes el squat to her treasure-trove of rocks and tree limbs under chair 14. Handstyles. They are mocked by bench monkeys. Later, a little chute is spied from Climax behind Chair 5 before upper poop chute. They go to get it, hike to the wrong place, and have to bail. el squat lets the samoan stop for pocket pizza. The state competition for ski and snowboard high school racers is going on and tight suits are everywhere. Did you know there is a Weed School? Lucky. By the way- Mammiff is colossal.
They get kicked out of the beautiful Sunstone condos- some jerk reported them for sleeping in the lobby and eating dinner in the hot tub. They move to town and stay at the Krystal Villa where there is enough bedding and covers for the whole town to come and sleep on the floor. When asked to come stay on the floor, strangers say no, so the group heads to Grumpy's. This Grumpy's was build after Sun Valley's Grumpy's, but for some reason there is no fowl burger!!! They protested by eating like 12 double Grump's burgers.
The sisters figure out the hike to the baby chute behind Chair 5- just by using their eyes! It's pure butter goodness and they do it again and again while taking ant footage of each other. Ant footage is so hot right now. The wind was wailing the day before and it whipped powder pockets back on to their favorite line on the Droupout Chutes. Drool faces. The samoan impresses el squat with her full force clothesline and ability to fall off boulders. Neither one can understand why they have to leave this tremendous mountain. Their weeping turns to bawling which turns to blubbering and eventually after a few hours boils down to sniveling.
Even through their misery and tears they are able to drink and eat delectable treats from Mammoth Brewery, as usual el squat breaks the rules, and they get kicked out. Two for Two. So they buy more beer and drink in the parking lot.
el squat returns to Idaho. the giant and the samoan get really big beers and do a super heavy hike by the library. New jumpsuits are found at the Second Chance Thrift Store where the proceeds go to benefit people with special needs. The most amazing dinner is had by the giant at The Mogul. the samoan is fed table scraps while she drinks Buzz Balls under the table.
The samoan finds herself at the airport because she has an airplane flight. Her flight to SF has been over booked and everyone loves themselves so much that no one will stand down, but the samoan will. The people of the airport book her a hotel room at Mammoth Mountain Inn, they get her a taxi, give her a flying in the airplane voucher, and break her bag. The samoan returns to Mammiff in time for more snowboarding.
Mammiff is easily, probably, and totally one of the best places in the universe even though it is run by the Latin Kings which is obvi by their logo. One can bet on the return of the toft family. Thank you to the giant who is way better than anyone else.